I Peed My Pants When I Read This

"jacob, it must be hard getting through life, being taken seriously, when you're a downey. the DARTS bus isn't cool. it never was. neither is a swollen tongue or low-set ears. i don't care if you can crush a cue ball into powder or withstand pain akin to a bear trap snapping shut on your scrotum. it's rough. i know. but what the fuck was up with beating the shit out of me in front of my girlfriend, jacob? WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT?!"

This is the funniest thing I've ever read. It came from a blog called exploding mermaid wolf farts. I don't know who it is, and he hasn't posted since November, but if you do one thing today read some of this guy's old stuff. I wish I was .00025 as funny as this.