no title does this justice.....

Today at work I had to walk a grown woman through a math problem. It was addition and multiplication. We had a calculator. Yes, there was a decimal involved. I guess for some people that's like landing an F14 on an aircraft carrier at night, instead of in the day. The degree of difficulty is increased exponentially. Funny thing is, I had already explained this equation to her the week before. The answer was 30.65. She had to invoice a company for 30.65 She invoiced them for over 100.00 bucks. They called back. No shit. This woman reminds me of a drug mule, without the drugs. Live and let live, but for fuck's sake try to get a little grade three math in whilst you're at it.

When I Was A Little Boy

When I was a little boy, my Dad sat me down on his knee and said:

"Son, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Dad, I want to be a paper pusher"

"Are you sure? I mean don't you want to be an astronaut, or a fireman, or maybe a high profile lawyer?"

And I said: "No Dad, I want to be a paper pusher"


I'm living the dream.

I've realized that we don't put enough emphasis on the importance of having one magical night with someone, here in the new millennium. That one chance that you just can't pass up because if you do it'll never feel the same.

I'm currently working on a Y95 second rate classic rock hits compilation and it dawned on me that every song from that period is about that one night, just living in the moment. I mean check out these song titles: I Don't Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight, Take Me Home Tonight, Just One Night, The Kid Is Hot Tonight, This Flight Tonight.....and those are just the songs with the word tonight in the title; there are many more that cover the same subject matter.

So what am I getting at? I'm not really sure. All I know is that there is some romantic notion to the songs of this period. I'm not saying that the one night stand was invented in the late 70's or early 80's; but what I am saying is that they seem to appreciate the appeal that tonight has. Today was shitty, tomorrow is gonna suck; but tonight is fuckin awesome.

At some point someone sucked the romance out of music and now its either stab yourself in the gut because your girlfriend fucked your best friend, or meet your best friend's girlfriend and fuck her in the bathroom before you even get your first triple Red Bull and vodka down.

Maybe its because I grew up in the era of cheesy songs about one night and one chance with that chick you put on a pedestal for who knows how long. Maybe I just have bad taste in music. But maybe, just maybe, its time for us to be a bit more optimistic and write a few songs about how magical and awesome tonight is.

Close to home

Check this out http://www.vanishingpoint.ca/d_ham.html . Sure I'm probably the only one on earth who actually considers this to be cool. It hits really close to home for me because as a kid I remember peering through locked grates, and into huge sewer openings. These exact ones! Now these ballsy maniacs have broken in and actually photographed the insanity inside!

I'm nominating this as one of the most industrious projects of 2005 or any year. I bet these guys went to my highschool or live on my street. Modern day local, anonymous heroes! I'm so jealous I never got the idea, let alone the balls to do this.

song

I wrote a song for a lady at work today, it goes like this:

Your daughter's fat y'all
Your daughter's fat y'all
Your daughter's fat a fat a fat a fat
She's fat y'all!
And you're skinny y'all

Her daughter works there too.

Get Me Outta Here

world, originally uploaded by jcorn.

meh

work, originally uploaded by jcorn.

Look how bored I am at work. I went to see The Arcade Fire last night. Although I didn't have a camera, someone that did has my email...