Be True To Your City

A couple of things happened to me recently that really bugged me, and sorta made me realize that people who aren't from Hamilton are ignorant fucks.

Number 1:

Remember how I mentioned that me and Brandos would be appearing in a shot from The Coors Light Maxim Club Tour with 2 of the most luscious babes you'd ever seen? Well guess what, its not gonna happen...check for yourself here. You can see all 13 shots from Fever Nightclub that ill-fated Wednesday, and not one of Brandos and I. Let me tell you why....they posted 13 in total!! 13!! Every other city on the tour got at least 30 shots posted..again, check it out for yourself(if for no other reason than to see hot babes). I'm not pissed that I personally didn't make it on, so much, its that we as a city got ripped off! I mean, I could understand if they had 75 shots and I just wasn't beautiful enough to make it; fine, so be it. But 13?? Come on, did they lose 3 rolls or something? Such bullshit I have never seen. I even wrote them an email demanding to know wtf is going on, and I encourage all of you to email Coors Light also...stand up for our right god damn it! Look at this fat weirdo, why is he representing our city? Ohhhh right, you lost all the film......fuck you Coors Light.

Number 2:

So I'm playing a little online poker at Truepoker.com and some asshole asks me if I am from Hamilton. Stupid question already since it states that fact right beside my name. Anyway, he proceeds to ask me how I can stand the smell and that he feels sorry for me because I must be a mutant from growing up beside a factory.....can I get a big FUCK YOU from everyone here please? Who are these idiots? I ask this sack of shit if he's ever been here and he's all "...one too many times for my liking". I seriously wanted to find this ass and fart in his mouth but I had to play it cool because I had a plan....but anyway I look and he's from London; right.....I bet I know exactly who he is. He's that jock from Western that I went to school with for three years, and he's the guy that always had to start shit....oh wait, that's all of them. I don't know this guy, never said shit to him and he's giving me the business online because of where I'm from. It seems odd to me that the powers that be deemed this shit-pit a perfect spot to build a pretty nice university and the best hospital around....such ignorance is amazing. I'm having a bad day at online poker(for FAKE money) so I'm gonna start shit with the guy from Hamilton. Where do you think they got the steel to make the bright yellow Acura your Dad bought you before he kicked you out of your house in Rosedale?? go to hell. We don't need people like you here. stay out, and if you come I hope you spend hours figuring out the one-way streets. I like them.
I bet you're wondering what my plan was....well I never lost my shirt, I just acted like a wounded little puppy-dog the whole time. Then I went and told the system administrator to review our conversation....hahahahah. They kicked him off that shit foreva!! kinda gay I know..but I was sure it would work cause I once got kicked off the same site for being an asshole. wait....everyone in my house 2nd year did....christ allmighty Western can turn you into a turbo-jock.

As a side note I want to mention that there are people from Hamilton that walk around all the time with a chip on their shoulder. I know lots of them. They are always afriad that people think they are better than them. Just because you come from a mainly blue collar town doesn't mean you need to have an inferiorty complex....this is the flipside of the coin I see all the time and it bugs me almost as much. Its funny because alot of the same people that hate high-society types can't wait to be high-society themsleves.


Such is mango.

quitters never win

The volunteers were tired
Heads were hanging low
The news had spoiled their appetite
For stuffing envelopes
Twelve points was an awful lot
To be down in the polls
With only two weeks to go
Shouldering the phone
Loosening his tie
His running mate on pricks and pins
Hovering beside
The candidate wrote furiously
As if to save his life
Then hung up the phone
And spoke with great conviction
When you're nothing but a boyfriend
Dangling by a thread
Keep in mind the bottom line
Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Inches from the goal
One thing on his mind
To get behind her desk and make
Some big decisions
Power can be such a tease
You're always wanting more
It's good to know that just like sex
It can be paid for

So much work...

Well we all knew this picture was gonna have to be posted eventually....Johnny I'm sorry but its just much too beautiful. What were you high on that night again....love? At any rate, blogging is so fuckin' time consuming that its almost not worth it. What did Homer Simpson say again...if you don't get real good right away just quit. Sounds good to me. Stay tuned for pics of me and Brandos at the Maxim Club Tour....


r

3 of 3 - and i quote...

Recently I was lucky enough to get a subscription to Harper's Magazine for my birthday(thanks Kate), and this month's issue had a really cool essay in it that sorta changed my outlook on a lot of things. It's all about the idea that being idle(doing nothing) is evil or wrong or lazy or whatever...Not that leisure is bad (playing poker, watching TV, taking a cruise), just idleness. I think everyone should read the essay but it basically breaks down to the fact that we have been so conditioned to be earning money or building things, that we are no longer allowed to just sit around...and I agree. This a quote I like:

"Leisure is permissible, we understand, because it costs money; idleness is not, because it doesn't. Leisure is focused; whatever thinking it requires is absorbed by a certain task; sinking that putt, making that cast, watching that flat-screen TV. Idleness, on the other hand, has a bad attitude. It doesn't shave; it's not a member of the team; it doesn't play well with others. It thinks too much...so it has to be ostracized."

This is so true; why can't we just sit around and talk or think or get high or whatever? I guess the author is trying to say that just taking time, thinking, and mulling things over should be ok once again. We are flying down the path so fast we can't even see the roses let alone smell them. We need to take time to find joy in life. Are there forces out there that constantly want us to work, build, run errands, accomplish things?? And why do they want to keep us busy?? - That's for another day, but believe me its sinister...

here is my attempt at a bibliography:
Slouka, Mark: Quitting The Paint Factory, Harper's Magazine. November 2004. Vol. 309, No. 1854

2 of 3 - The Festival Express

 
First of all, holy mutherfuckin' shit ass bitch with a tail - that first post literally took me about 3 hrs...don't ever let anyone tell you learning HTML on the fly is easy...its fuckin bullshit. Has anyone heard of the movie The Festival Express? Apparently in 1970 there was this train that went across Canada carrying the likes of the Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, The Band...etc, and guess what? Someone decided to make a documentary. Here's where it gets fucked ....this "rock-umentary" is playing tonite at Jackson Square here in the Hammer at 7:10pm. It took me all day to find this shit out!! The view magazine had a whole article about this happening in their November issue, but hey never mentioned a showtime in the entire article! Just a movie review and the date. Today, Brandos and I called Jackson Square and The View, of course we got the machine and there was no mention of it...I even went on the view, festival express, Jackson Square, and countless other websites and no luck. Are they hiding the showtime of this movie? Or at least making it damn inaccessible...I think its because the man is afraid it might attract the wrong type of person...ie: hippies, potheads, teenagers, musicians...the list goes on. Which makes me wonder why on earth they would bother showing the film in the first place. Some sort of corporate agreement? This is gonna be a great documentary for all us former deadheads and fans of good music in general, I can't wait. Once again more info is available here.
ps- the chick on the cover has no visible face but is displaying a pretty well cooked rack of lamb.
chuga chuga, chuga chuga, woo woo!!! I'm a nerd

1 of 3 - Ellen Fairclough

As none of you probably know Ellen Fairclough recently died at the age of 99. She was the first female MP to ever grace the halls of our house of commons. Its sad that she died but the cool part is that she was from Hamilton...I never knew this until her death and its funny because we even had a big poster of her up on the wall in grade 10 English(with Mr. Green the guy that busted me in class stoned outta my face and then asked me one seriously fucked up question). I wonder why niether my teacher nor anyone else in the class took the time to point out she was a Hamilton native, in fact I don't think anyone recognized her around here at all until she finally passed away...sexism you say? I doubt it. I think its just the fact that nobody really gives a shit about things like this anymore. Now that I'm kinda interested in Canadian government and politics I sorta wish I knew more about her while she was still alive. She really seemed like a nice lady too(I heard an old interview with her) I mean come on, she repped Hammer town large yo....If you want more specific details don't ask me; I'm trying to keep this blog from bieng a source of recycled news but the CBC has the full story. Maybe I can increase their hit count by 1 or 2. God speed Ellen Fairclough....RIP.

"The Gamesmen"

After watching a video of the most insane foosball master on the planet, macnamara and I thought it would be cool to become masters ourselves...i have a ping-pong table, hes got foosball and everyone had darts. That just leaves a poker table, pool table and maybe a couple of other things before we become the ultimate GAMESMEN. We'd be an evil fighting force like no other...after I knock the bad guy silly with a rocket blast pong ball to the head, macnamara will blind him with darts to each eyeball...we'll be even more popular than The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...who really never did shit anyway. Long live the gamesmen....and seriously watch this foosball video...its retarded. click here

This Life Apartment

Its funny, but I just realized that until my recent unemployment I'd never actually spent that much time in my apartment. Sure I sleep and eat here (actually I mainly eat out...), but ever since I've had this place its been 8-6 mon-fri and try to get out of town on the weekends. This is one hell of a god damn boring place to be. Sure I could hang posters or paint walls or clean up, but for some reason I don't... I just spend all morning applying for jobs on the net, and then usually by about 12 I'm so freezing cold from these stupid hit or miss radiators that I go take a hot shower. Please, if anyone out there is reading this and knows exactly how radiators work, be bold and leave me a detailed analysis in the comments....I thought I knew but I clearly have no idea. Did I forget to mention my landlord sucks?? not a bad guy really, just completely oblivious to any type of real customer service. I'll have everyone know that "Professional Property Management" is probably the least proffesional organization I've ever been in contact with. Anyway, its not really all that bad, but for someone who is constantly being forced to describe himself as a "motivated self starter" I sure do have trouble getting out of the house.

ps - I'm still working on this uploading of pictures thing...so here's a nice random one

this will link you directly to the website of our WORLD CHAMPIONS

Magic Kingdom??

Although Webby is the only one who will read this, I thought I'd let the world know that Disney World isn't the communistic paradise that it used to be anymore....Until today I wasn't aware that celebrities, rich people, jocks....etc, these assholes don't have to wait in line for rides!!?? Apperently you can pay something like 400/day to bypass all the lines at Disney World...am I the only one who thinks this is insane?? Please, I mean the old trick of pushing your sister around in a wheelchair is creative, fun, and doesn't really hurt anyone.. but paying to bypass lines?? Whats next?? passing the bouncer a 50 to get into the bar faster....oh shit
Anyway, all I'm saying is that when it boils down to it even the Magic Kingdom can't cook without that dough...